4/7/2020 0 Comments
my weakness belongs to God
Morning by morning we wake and do. Still even in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, we must continue with one foot in front of the other just as I’m sure you are too. Cleaning bedrooms and making beds, reading books and finishing up lessons. And of course riding bikes now that the sun shines a bit warmer and longer each day.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
How in my weakness am I able to show God's great strength? Can I shed joyous light on my shortcomings and lead the reader to see how good and gracious my God truly is? My hope is that yes, you’ll see what God can make of a bruised and broken heart even when it’s been fitted to a shape not His own and slow baked to imperfection. He is that good and tender and loving. He’ll crack the mold and warm the clay between His palms just to reshape the heart.
I’m an unlikely candidate for so many of the things I do each day. An unlikely homeschooling mom, with the echo of whispers from long ago that on some busy afternoons make me question if I should do it again tomorrow or throw in the towel.
“A slow learner”, “dyslexic”, and possibly "mentally retarded." I had plenty of red marks coloring my finished work and on my last day of public school in the sixth grade, a final meeting with all of my teachers pushed my brave mom into home teaching me from then on. Satan said, “stupid and unable”. God said, “I see purpose and will prove this wrong.”
True I had quite a few teachers not living up to their calling and things could have been quite different had they been willing, but I'm glad for God's wide view of my life, knowing good would come from the words misspoken and labels haphazardly adhered to my young mind.
I must lean into His strength as I proceed with schooling my children year after year and rely on His mercy that they flourish and take hold of the work set before them.
Over a dozen years ago I sat in a therapists office for the third week to finally be diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. Panic attacks that led to hyperventilation weren’t uncommon for me as were stacks of unfinished work at my desk that I just couldn’t seem to lift. All the symptoms fit and I agreed I must just be different.
I spent only a week on a trial medication before ditching it for a deeper truth. The truth that when your eyes are set on The King, the emotions of a broken heart, a broken past and an uncertain future can fade in the light of Him who heals and holds tightly the ones who come open and broken hearted.
The weaknesses that could have kept me from walking out a life of freedom are now used to show who God is and how deeply He cares. Not to say there aren’t people who truly need medication for these kinds of diagnoses, in my story only the shifting of eyes and relinquishing of my will is what brought cure and comfort. A daily shifting I might add.
Satan said, “you’ll never breath easy”. God said, “this will bring me glory.”
I’ve had to learn over the years that God is the only one who deems me qualified to do what He’s asked. No manmade credit can authoritate my calling. My marked up resume has been rewritten by The Author of everything and He has set me in a position to teach my children with confidence and joy, to be helper to a man of integrity and quiet blogger in this space. None of which I’m qualified by experience to do, but all of which God has positioned me to fulfill.
"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight-in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.“ 2 Corinthians 12: 9-11
What good to the world would I be if only strength I did possess? What compassion could I hand out if never had I woke to the simplest of shortcomings? And what have I to offer if I need not meet God's strength at the start of each day? Thankfulness now envelopes my heart, 35 years from a loving God and I am grateful to wake to my weaknesses that keep me fully in His strength.
Our disadvantages do not disqualify us for all God has placed in our beings to do, our disadvantages leave us fully dependent on God's mercy to allow Him to work through us for the glory due Him.
We are all called to be broken and maimed kingdom builders, with pasts that hurt and futures unknown and with a King who holds us dear, full of mercy and love.
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"My life passes as swiftly as the evening shadows. I am withering away like grass." Psalm 102:11